just think.

All of those wishful thoughts of wanting to shut down so I wouldn’t have to put myself out there and get hurt by others and myself have, unfortunately, become true. I don’t feel anything anymore, towards anyone, and it scares me. I haven’t talked to anyone or made a connection in so long. I’m broken and I don’t know how to fix myself. As much much as I want to go out into the world with my guard down, I can’t. I put on this mask and act like I don’t care about that kind of stuff, when all I want is someone there just to count on.

As of right now, I’m completely lost in time. I’m living life with no purpose or meaning. No where to go, no where to stay. It’s affecting everyone around me and myself. I’m just lost… What’s the point of having the privilege of a well life if you’re not using it or putting it towards changing everything. I’ve never loved anything more than making people feel something. Showing them another way to express themselves and connect with each other on another level. I can’t even do that right now because of where I am in this world and where I stand in this moment in time. Right now… I’m useless. Just another person coasting through life, alive but not living. I’m always talking about change and moving on but it never happens. I need meaning, purpose, a reason to get up in the morning. More than just to “get through another day.” I feel like I’ve lost who I am. I don’t connect with anyone anymore, I don’t feel anything for anyone anymore. I could just leave everyone and everything behind and never look back. I hate it. I need to find a way back onto the path I need to be on, but how?

Finding a life experience with someone as beautiful as this. That is my goal.

It’s a relieving yet, scary feeling.

(Source: blowsive, via s1nkingships)